the only difference between a suicide and a martyrdom really is the amount of press coverage.- chuck palahniuk,survivor
before you come to realise how irrelevant the above quote was in context of the article, let me tell you myself. its there just because i found it good. i am no goth, but whether anyone accepts it or not, suicide is an underground trend with very many people continually in argument within themselves whether to kill oneself or everybody around. i know this because i have been through it but if i had chose one of them it would have been killing everyone around . to inform,my hands dont smell blood(refer macbeth).
i know a guy. lets call him Sick.he is one of my roomate as well. its unsesnsitive but honest that i am real thankful to him as he attempted suicide in the room itself and gave me sommething to ponder over and write about. he has been depressed since long. its not been long since i came out of depression as well. but, i came out of it by myself without a single self abuse. this entitles me to look down upon him as i am a stronger person than he is.and i would do that with full sincearity. there is nothing much interesting about Sick. he is depressive, watches senseless flop movies, can not laugh on oneself and remains inactive and sulky most of the time. in nutshell he is a dick. i have noticed he contradicts his own statements about ideologies and things according to his convenience. anyways there are hardly any people around who take a stand. that doesnt make him any different. and again, he looks for reasons to be sad , at the same time doing nothing to terminate the reason. no wonder, he attempted suicide. maybe his guilt swelled with time. and rightly so. though he blames his lack of potential, the actual reason is dearth of efforts which he overlooks as that would place the blame for his condition on him. he is happy in his staate of denial. according to him he does his work near perfect and the bad results are due to his less mental potentials. sometimes i envy him. i belive i have the highest potential and do minimal efforts. this makes me irritated and compels me to work harder. at least his beliefs give him peace of mind. then the next moment i see him and realize he is one person i would never want to be. i would rather wake up in chaos than sleep in peace.
this Sick is no alien. he is around me, maybe he is around you too or maybe you are Sick. some have him in higher percentage while some in lower. we all want to escape and neglect, sugarcoat our insecurities and weaknesses, disbelief in our potential to escape doing efforts. i dont mean to preach anyone anything. its something i learnt from my friend Sick. he has more facets. This was the first i wanted to talk about . i dont mean to say i am different or typecast the majority. i am just a wanderer, a life enthusiast looking for experiences. i know there are more to come.