the only difference between a suicide and a martyrdom really is the amount of press coverage.- chuck palahniuk,survivor
before you come to realise how irrelevant the above quote was in context of the article, let me tell you myself. its there just because i found it good. i am no goth, but whether anyone accepts it or not, suicide is an underground trend with very many people continually in argument within themselves whether to kill oneself or everybody around. i know this because i have been through it but if i had chose one of them it would have been killing everyone around . to inform,my hands dont smell blood(refer macbeth).
i know a guy. lets call him Sick.he is one of my roomate as well. its unsesnsitive but honest that i am real thankful to him as he attempted suicide in the room itself and gave me sommething to ponder over and write about. he has been depressed since long. its not been long since i came out of depression as well. but, i came out of it by myself without a single self abuse. this entitles me to look down upon him as i am a stronger person than he is.and i would do that with full sincearity. there is nothing much interesting about Sick. he is depressive, watches senseless flop movies, can not laugh on oneself and remains inactive and sulky most of the time. in nutshell he is a dick. i have noticed he contradicts his own statements about ideologies and things according to his convenience. anyways there are hardly any people around who take a stand. that doesnt make him any different. and again, he looks for reasons to be sad , at the same time doing nothing to terminate the reason. no wonder, he attempted suicide. maybe his guilt swelled with time. and rightly so. though he blames his lack of potential, the actual reason is dearth of efforts which he overlooks as that would place the blame for his condition on him. he is happy in his staate of denial. according to him he does his work near perfect and the bad results are due to his less mental potentials. sometimes i envy him. i belive i have the highest potential and do minimal efforts. this makes me irritated and compels me to work harder. at least his beliefs give him peace of mind. then the next moment i see him and realize he is one person i would never want to be. i would rather wake up in chaos than sleep in peace.
this Sick is no alien. he is around me, maybe he is around you too or maybe you are Sick. some have him in higher percentage while some in lower. we all want to escape and neglect, sugarcoat our insecurities and weaknesses, disbelief in our potential to escape doing efforts. i dont mean to preach anyone anything. its something i learnt from my friend Sick. he has more facets. This was the first i wanted to talk about . i dont mean to say i am different or typecast the majority. i am just a wanderer, a life enthusiast looking for experiences. i know there are more to come.
I’m interested in anything about revolt, disorder, chaos, especially activity that appears to have no meaning. It seems to me to be the road toward freedom.
– jim morrison
most profound and relatable quote i ever came across. i roll by it. smoke weed,take pills,bunk classes,hit people,argue with teachers. if it seems liberating and satisfying i do it. i do what i feel like and its not my fault that i feel like a maniac more than often.please nobody misunderstand me. i am just looking to be free……
well past midnight battling with maths and head seeming like half zombie. what is more tiring is the fact that what i am slogging over will be of no use once i get over with the semester. like,where in the world i am gonna have the use to solve a matrix with 5 different method or give it rank on the basis of how many zeroes are there in it. shit, wisdom is so painful. my condolence to you lord buddha. anyways this shit has to be done. its wierd as sick how the craving of eternity becomes so strong when i open my maths book. from all the dope lines of the song “headlight” from eminem’s new album mmlp2 i am getting chill down the spines on the hook by nate ruess which goes like..
I want a new life (start over)
One without a cause
So I’m coming home tonight
Well, no matter what the cost
And if the plane goes down
Or if the crew can’t wake me up
Well, just know that I’m alright
I was not afraid to die
Oh, even if there’s songs to sing
Well, my children will carry me
Just know that I’m alright
I was not afraid to die
Because I put my faith in my new girl
So I never say “Goodbye, cruel world.”
Just know that I’m alright
I am not afraid to die……..
well for now, the cause is exam. i will have to sign off and get back to the number tiles. damn, 4 days to the sems and am freaking off now. oh holy, where is the life without a cause??!!!
i thought i would make it a music blog, but everything seems to occupy my mind except music. I am a music enthusiast but somehow my life has come to a point where i am seeing a lot of change taking place in the way people see me. to say the least, i am an engineering student, by default. but my emphasis has always been on being different so its very difficult for me to except that i am doing the same thing, the ninty percent of the youth population is doing. anyways, now that i am here i carry no remorse.
life hasnot been quite a joyride for me and i have had fair share of bumps and fall through the journey. getting up strong requires a lot of determination and strength and i am afraid i have not been the strongest of a man that i can be lately. if i am to describe myself or my mental strength right now i will term me to be emotionally damaged and intense. but if you were someone who knew me, you could never make out about the dark side in me. music has always been there for me since the time i remember. it has always made me feel special, rejuvunated and has given me life lessons that make me a better man. music is more than everything and anything. the rhythm, the beat can do miracles. the fact that music can induce goosebumps, draw a tear, inspire and connect is my favourite parts of being a human being.
i am a man of no limits and boundaries as in my consequent post you will know better, so this blog can come as a surprise for you or it may even appear as a mess. the attempt from my side will be to serve you with nothing but the best because i want you guys to keep returning to this blog. the basic idea is to write about music lets see where time takes this blog.